The Way She Feels
by Estate Of Mind
Summary: When an attempted suicide happens in the room next to Santana's dorm, Santana is forced to help the girl who tried to end it all. She gets a better understanding of the blonde girl. Can Santana help this complete stranger through life?
1. How To Save A Life

When an attempted suicide happens on the same floor as Santana's dorm, and everyone is out for the holidays, Santana is forced to help the girl who tried to end it all. She gets a better understanding of a blonde girl named Brittany Susan Pierce. Can Santana help pick up the pieces of a complete stranger?

This is my first fanfiction so bear with me here. I know I'm not the best writer, but I figured I'd give it a try.

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><p><em>"This is it…"<em> Brittany thought._ "This is the end of my so-called life."_ Brittany was crying uncontrollably as she put the letter she wrote to her roommate and family that she decided not to see over the holiday weekend.

**"Dear Family and Friends,**

**I'm terribly sorry for the decisions I chose to make on this day, September 19, 2011. I do not want you to grieve, for that is the farthest thing I want to happen. I hope you can forgive me eventually for this decision, but I can understand if you cannot. You just don't understand the pain I have been going through, I've tried to seek help and I cannot find another way out. I know suicide is selfish. I know that you will miss me. I know that what I'm doing is wrong, but I cannot keep walking this planet feeling the way I do. I love you all, I want you to know that. Don't dwell on this. I promise, I will be just fine.**

**-Brittany Susan Pierce."**

Brittany got ready for what was ahead of her. "I'm just glad no one is here for the holidays to stop me." Brittany climbed on the chair and wrapped the rope she had around her neck. She breathed in really deep and exhaled. Sobbing and hysterical, she took in one more breath before kicking out the chair. The chair hit her dorm door really loud, as did her legs and she started suffocating.

Santana was silently reading a book in her dorm room when she heard a loud thud in the dorm room next to hers. "I thought everyone was gone for the weekend…" She whispered aloud. Many more tiny thuds came from the room. She grabbed her phone and wandered over to the next room.

"Hello?" She said quietly. "Is everything okay?"

The door kept getting hit and Santana pushed it open and heard a loud thud to the ground. Wait a second…

In front of Santana lie a very beautiful blonde girl with a rope around her neck. Santana started panicking. "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT." She said very quickly. She pulled out her phone and dialed 911."

"911. Please state your emergency."

"My name is Santana Lopez, I'm at Colorado State University, Ingresoll hall. Off of Shields and Elizabeth. There is a girl here who tried killing herself. She's barely breathing. She hung herself. Please, come help her. Please, please, please." Santana said starting to cry into the phone.

"We're sending an EMT right away ma'am. Stay on the line. Have you tried giving her CPR?"

"No, no. I'm trying to get the rope off her neck. Oh my god, she's so pale." Santana was trying her hardest to get the rope off of the girl's neck. "Wake up, please. Wake up." Santana started pushing on the girl's chest and counting. She placed her lips on her and exhaled into her mouth, then continued pushing. The girl started coughing. "Thank God." Santana thought.

The EMT's arrived at the room and wheeled the girl off to the hospital.

"Ma'am, would you mind coming with us to the hospital? We need to ask you a few questions." One of the EMT's had stated. Santana nodded and followed him out of the dorm room. Before she left, she grabbed a piece of paper that looked like a suicide note.

"Did you know the girl who tried to commit suicide?" The EMT asked.

"No. I heard a loud noise in the room next door. I thought I was the only one left in the dorms so I went to check it out. She had put the rope in the top of the door."

"So, if you don't know her…Why did you try to save her?"

"Is that even a question? She's a human being, and I may be a bitch but that doesn't mean I'm going to let some girl die in my arms if I can't help it." Santana retorted.

"Sorry to upset you ma'am, it was just a question." He said before walking away.

Santana turned to the receptionist at the front desk. "Am I free to go?"

"Just one more question…do you at least know the person's name?"

Santana pondered on it for a moment and remembered the note that she picked up from the girl's room. She opened it up and read the bottom name. "I guess I would take a wild guess and say that it's Brittany Pierce." She replied before walking down the hallway. She stopped halfway down the hallway and grabbed the note from her pocket. She ripped it in half and wrote a simple message on the blank section of paper. She walked back to the receptionist. "When she wakes up, give her this."

Brittany woke up with blurry eyes. Where was she? Oh no…it didn't work. Wait. She was in the hospital? How did she get here? She thought the dorm was completely empty. She tried to get up, but her weak body wouldn't let her.

"She's awake, sir." One of the nurses in her room said. A man in a white coat walked up to her.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Sue Sylvester. You mind telling me why you'd want to off yourself?" The doctor asked in a rude tone. She wasn't very nice, obviously.

"Well…does this question really need to be answered? I just want to go home." Brittany said._ 'No, I did it because I was sick of being tormented for being gay…'_ She thought to herself.

"Fine. It's just good to get to know the patients I see. I'll get your discharge papers, I suppose. But I hope to God you got a straight head on now. If it weren't for your neighbor or something, you'd be dead."

'But I want to be dead…' Brittany thought again as the nurse came in with her paperwork.

"Okay, Ms. Pierce. Here is all of your paperwork. And someone left you a note." The nurse handed her the note and walked towards the door. "When you're done, you're free to leave, Ms. Pierce."

Brittany looked down at the torn piece of paper._ 'What the hell is this?'_ She wondered as she opened it up. On the lines a note read: **I don't know you. I don't know why I saved you. But you are beautiful. No one as gorgeous as you should feel the need to kill themselves. –S.**

Brittany started tearing up at the note. She grabbed all of the paperwork and signed it before they let her go. Brittany was lucky she lived on campus, the hospital was not far at all. She walked back to her dorm. She hesitated before walking into her room when she heard someone clear their throat.

"I…I cleaned up your room. I didn't think you'd want to come back to the mess…" The girl which raven black hair said.

"Thank you…" Brittany stuttered. "Did you…were you the one who saved me?" The girl nodded. "Why?"

"Like I said in my note…I don't know." The girl said before heading back towards her room.

"Wait!" Brittany exclaimed. She reached out and grabbed the stranger's wrist. "Can I at least know your name?"

"Santana Lopez." She replied.

'Santana. Nice.' Brittany thought. "Well…Santana…I don't know what to say to you."

"Why did you do it?" Santana asked.

"I…"


	2. Imagine Me And You

**Ethereal Cosmos – I know in most places that's how it usually would work, just to keep an eye on people. However, here in Colorado, if you are over the age of 16 and do not consent to be kept under evaluation, they cannot legally hold you! Interesting fact, in my opinion!**

**Riptide2015 – thank you :) I'm glad you liked it and that you were my first reviewer! **

**Love-Brittana – I'm glad you love it already. And I'm sorry I'm bad at updating. My job makes me work at 2am. And I never find myself on a computer anymore :(**

**Umbrellaleg – yeah, I know. I wanted to do something completely out of the ordinary, but something I can still relate to. Suicide is a big topic for me, seeing as a lot of my friends have committed it. I even wrote a poem about people who get bullied for being gay and end up killing themselves. It will be in this story :), promise.**

A/N: Okay, sorry I haven't been able to update. Like I said in my review replies, I work at 2am most days. So here is Chapter 2, I hope you enjoy. ALSO; I've decided some Faberry was in order. Also, like I said, I'm not the best writer. I just like...writing

Brittany hesitated as Santana asked her why she tried to kill herself. It was a very personal reason for Brittany; being gay wasn't really something she wanted to spread around the small college town she lived in.

"I…I don't want to talk about it." Brittany stuttered.

Santana smiled at the beautiful blonde girl in front of her, "I completely understand. I am a complete stranger, after all. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay." If there was one thing about the brunette that no one knew, it was that she had a big heart. Sure, she comes off as bitchy, cynical, rude, vain, impulsive, head-strung, mean, down right selfish, and…okay, we get it. But deep down, under her bad ass exterior, there was a girl who had a kind heart.

"Well, thank you. That means a lot to me." Brittany said, finally showing a smile that she had been wanting to show for the past few months she lived in Fort Collins.

"I'll let you get going…" Santana said as she walked away back towards her own room. "If you ever need anything…I'm next door."

A couple days had passed by and Brittany went to visit her next door roommate as much as she could. She didn't know why…and no, it was not due to the fact that she liked girls…but she had been really drawn to the brunette. Santana made her laugh, made her smile, and the sad part was, she was probably straight as straight can get.

The two had spent their day around campus, with the holiday being close to over and classes starting again the next day they decided to get to know each other a little bit better.

"Okay, so favorite…movie?" Brittany had asked Santana.

"That's a tough one, but I'd have to say at the moment it lies at Imagine Me And You…or…" Santana paused for a second. _"Shit. Imagine Me And You is a lesbian film. This girl is going to think I'm extremely…gay. FUCK. She cannot know that I'm gay. I haven't made a friend in years."_ She thought to herself. "Or, I really like The Outsiders. The boys they casted were very attractive."

Brittany's heart jumped for a second. _"Did she just say IMAY? Is she…?"_Brittany collected her thoughts and continued walking. "I really like Imagine Me And You. We should totally watch it sometime!"

"Okay." Santana said as she walked a little faster down the street. Santana never told anyone she was gay, except her roommate, who was also her best friend, Quinn Fabray, the straightest straight girl she knew. She didn't realize that Brittany had caught up with her.

"Hey…are you okay?" She asked Santana.

"I'm…perfect." Santana said smiling at the blonde. Santana had been so intrigued by Brittany since the moment she had met her.

"Let's head back to the dorms! I think my roommate may be home. You can meet her! Her name is Rachel. She talks A LOT." Brittany said gesturing 'a lot' with her hands. Santana just nodded as she walked back to the dorms with Brittany. Quinn should be home sometime soon, anyways.

Santana and Brittany had arrived to Brittany's dorm to hear laughing and talking.

"I can't believe your roommate is actually out of the room. She spent so much time in here!" a voice called from inside the room. _"Strange… that sounds like Quinn."_ Santana thought.

Brittany pushed the door open to see Rachel and a blonde girl sitting on the bed, in each other arms, laughing. "Rachel Berry!" Brittany said. The two girls look shocked as the broke apart from each other. _"Wait…MY ROOMMATE IS FUCKING GAY!" _

"Hey B!" Rachel called out. "I'm glad to see you here. This is…"

"Q!" Santana asked.

"Santana!" Quinn exclaimed really loud.

"What…are you…doing here?" Santana questioned.

"Oh…I was just…busted?" Quinn said.

"Yeah, we have a lot to talk about. Hi Rachel. I'm Santana, Quinn's best friend and roommate." Santana said. Rachel went to shake her hand and Santana passed.

"Well Rach, I actually brought Santana back here to meet you!" Brittany squealed, unusually happen about the fact that they just walked in on two girls…cuddling? Kissing? Well they weren't at the moment, but there's no doubt they were.

"I should have told you I was back, B. and maybe not to stop by until later." Rachel blushed.

"That would have been nice." Brittany said.

"You know what? We'll let you get back to…uh whatever it is you're doing. Britt, you said you wanted to watch Imagine Me And You, right?" Santana said.

"OH MY GOD! YES!" Brittany exclaimed, a little too excited about the movie.

"Well, I got it next door. We can go watch it while they...get their lady kisses on or something."

Brittany jumped up and down, grabbing Santana's hand and running out of her dorm room.

"Well that was…" Quinn started.

"Interesting." Rachel finished. "Quinn, is Santana…?"

"I don't know." Quinn said lying. "Is Brittany?"

Rachel nodded. _"I've got the perfect plan, then." _Quinn thought to herself. Santana had always cooped herself up in the room with no human interaction because she was afraid to go anywhere but her classes. Quinn knew all along that Santana was gay, also that her ex girlfriend went to the same college and Santana thought it would ruin her life. But if Quinn could get Santana to find some female companionship in the blonde, Quinn would feel very much accomplished.

"But…don't tell anyone I told you. Brittany's ex is kind of trying to tear her down by telling everyone she's…gay." Rachel said, "And I love the girl to death. And I just don't want to see her hurt. I mean who knows what she could have gotten herself into while we were away for the holidays! She could have died and I would have never known. Or what if she tried to do something stupid! I just…I just want Brittany to be happy, but it's hard when…" Rachel was cut off by Quinn's lips.

"Babe, sometimes you talk WAY too much." She said with a smile before kissing the brunette on the lips again.

Rachel smiled into the kiss before pulling away. "But seriously, Q, we have to keep an eye on B, okay?" Quinn just nodded at her girlfriend.

"We will. I promise. But I can assure you, that while she is with Santana, she is perfectly fine." Quinn smiled widely at Rachel.

Back in Santana and Quinn's dorm room, Brittany was happily sitting on the futon couch under Santana's bed. Santana was digging through a box trying to find the DVD.

"I can't believe you like Imagine Me And You!" Brittany said excitedly. "I think Piper Perabo does an excellent job!"

"She does! She is a really good actress." Santana replied.

"Agreed." Brittany felt the couch shift weights as the movie started. Santana was sitting next to her, her heat radiating onto to Brittany's skin. Brittany looked down at her lap for a second and then back up to the TV screen. This is the closest she had sat next to someone since her and her ex had broken up, 6 months ago.

Brittany had no idea what to think at this point. Her ex did everything to try and tear Brittany limb from limb…another reason added onto to the list of why Brittany wanted to kill herself. She placed her hand around her still sore neck.

Santana looked over at the blonde sitting to her right. She was touching her neck, right where the bruise from where the rope was. Santana couldn't help but feel bad for the girl she barely knew. She must have been going through a shit ton to want to kill herself. Santana only hoped that she would earn the trust and friendship of the girl to find out. That and ever since Santana and her ex girlfriend broke up, Santana hadn't made a friend in months. Quinn and a girl she hardly knows, who goes by the name Brittany Pierce, were all she had.

As the movie progressed, Brittany had inched closer to Santana, but stopping before their arms had touched. They had spent most of the movie pretending to be Rach and Luce and quoting everything they could.

"Don't forget me?" Santana asked.

"I won't remember anything else." Brittany replied.

Just then, in that moment, Brittany knew this Santana girl was worth getting to know.


	3. Along With Four More Shots Of Patron

**A/N: okay. So I promised my friend that I would have this up by Wednesday. And well, here we are. Chapter 3, woo. Brittana will happen soon, I promise. ;]**  
><strong>and holy shit. this was the longest chapter I have written so far. GO ME.<strong>

**oh, and also. I found an old story I had written with my friend. it's back and forth point of view and I was thinking of changing parts of it to make it Glee worthy. I think it would make a cute Brittana short story. but like I said, it's back and forth POV and it's kind of annoying, but the words we had chosen were excellent. so let me know :)**

**Also: thanks to the reviewers from the last chapter. I read them, but I'm too excited to reply to you :P**

**and a DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee. or any of its sexy characters :(**

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><p>Brittany knew two things; one, she was actually glad to be alive and two, Santana was a really decent human being.<p>

"Santana is really nice." Brittany blurted out in front of Quinn and Rachel who were cuddled up on Rachel's bed.

"She can be." Quinn said as her eyes looked up from her homework and towards Brittany. "She can also be a bitch. But I love her all the same." Quinn put her homework on Rachel's desk and grabbed a piece of paper, scribbling notes on it to Rachel while Brittany decided to turn on the TV.

"LAW AND ORDER: SVU IS ON!" Brittany exclaimed, a little too excited about the show.

Rachel and Quinn chuckled at how bouncy Brittany had been since she returned from Quinn and Santana's room. As they recalled, she wasn't too happy to be back in her own room.

_**Okay. So I have the perfect plan to try and get Santana and Brittany…well, together? – Q**_

_**Oh, my girlfriend is devious. Tell me this plan. – R**_

_**Well, you know Santana is most open when she's drunk, so I was thinking we should throw a little soiree in my dorm. Not too big, maybe like 6 of us getting our drink on. Then play "Never Have I Ever", that way, the two can learn a few things about each other. Then we can play spin the bottle and hope everything goes according to plan. – Q**_

_**You are such a genius, Q. – R**_

Quinn smiled at Rachel and kissed her softly. Quinn's phone vibrated softly and she picked it up.

"Hey Shelby!" Quinn beamed.

"Hey Quinn, I just wanted to say thank you for watching Beth over the break for me."

"It was no problem, anything to see her again. How is she?"

"She's wonderful. Were you like this as a kid?"

"I got told I was very rebellious."

"You still are, Quinn. You always will be. You were rebellious in high school, even after having Beth. Say, are you with Rachel right now?" Shelby questioned.

"Sure am, let me put her on." Quinn put her thumb over the speaker of the phone. "It's your mom." Quinn whispered. She handed the phone to Rachel and watched as she walked out into the hall. Ever since Quinn had first given her daughter up for adoption, she hoped that she would go to a good mother. Shelby was Rachel's birth-mother who could not afford to give Rachel a good life and gave her up for adoption. Rachel's relationship with Shelby was a little off for awhile, until Shelby broke down and begged Rachel for forgiveness. Rachel, being the sweet girl she is, forgave her mother. After all, if it wasn't for Shelby letting Quinn see Beth from time to time, Rachel would have never met her.

"Who was that?" Brittany asked. She knew that Rachel never left the room for a phone conversation unless it was important.

"Rachel's mom."

"Why did she call you?" Brittany questioned dumbfounded.

"It's a long story. Hey, do you want to come to a party this evening? It's just a small get together Rachel and I put together with some of our friends."

"Sure." Brittany said. She went back to watching Law and Order.

"Cool. It'll be in mine and Santana's room tonight around 8."

Brittany's stomach dropped at the sound of Santana's name. The girl had fallen asleep next door and that is why Brittany decided it was time to come back. There was something about the Latina that had Brittany's thoughts into one big mess. The girl herself was gorgeous with tanned skin and raven black hair. Her brown eyes were so bright that anyone could get lost in them.

Rachel came back and closed the door, a little too loudly. Brittany shook out of her thoughts. "Everything okay?" Quinn asked Rachel, stroking her face.

"Just fine." Rachel said. "My mom wants to come visit us."

"Babe, she doesn't have to if you don't want her to. I know you're still getting to know her and I know you can tolerate her, but still."

"I am trying for her. And for you and Beth." Rachel whispered the last part so Brittany didn't hear her. Rachel and Santana were the only two people besides Shelby who knew about Quinn's daughter.

"I love you." Quinn said smiling. "But I should be heading back, Santana's probably wondering where I am."

"She's sleeping, actually." Brittany muttered.

"Well then, I should get her up. We got a party to get started. I'll see you guys tonight." Quinn said before placing a chaste kiss on Rachel's lips.

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><p>Quinn opened the door to her room to find Santana sprawled out on the futon. She slammed the door, loud enough to cause the brunette to stir in her sleep.<p>

"SATAN GET UP!" Quinn yelled.

Santana shot up like someone had just yelled, 'Fire!' She shot a glare at Quinn.

"What the fuck, Q?"

"Get up, we're having a little get together/party tonight and we need to get this place looking snappy.

"Q, you know our dorm room only holds like 8 people?"

"Yes, I am aware. But Rachel, Blaine, Kurt, Mike, Tina, and Brittany

Santana went to talk until she replayed what Quinn had just said. Brittany's coming? Wait, when did Brittany leave? And wait, why did Quinn invite all the couples? She knew damn well that Santana was single. It would be like being the 7th wheel.

"Fine. How about I go out and get the alcohol since I at least have the hook ups, and you, Fabray, can stay here and make this dorm look all sparkly?" Santana smirked.

"Deal. Run along. Get something nice. We do have class tomorrow." Quinn said.

She was right, this was their last day before school started up again from it's four day break. Santana had neglected her homework this entire weekend.

"Thanks for reminding me, bitch." Santana said before grabbing a jacket and leaving. She was going to call the only person over the age of 21 who would help her out.

"Puck! It's Lopez."

"Hey San! What brings you to these parts?"

"I'm on the phone, Puck, not in front of you."

"Oh yeah…what can I do for you?"

"Quinn's throwing a stupid get together and she wants alcohol. Think you can pick me up a bit?"

"Well, who's all going? Then I can get insight on what drinks to get."

"Rachel, Mike, Tina, Blaine, Kurt, and Rachel's roommate Brittany."

"All right. I'll get some rum for the boys and the people who can hold their own and I'll get wine for the ladies, including Kurt." Puck laughed into the phone.

"I'll meet you at Allison hall." Santana said, walking down the street towards Puck's old dorm hall. Puck arrived shortly with three bags of alcohol.

"Puck, this isn't a rager…it's a get together. You bought enough alcohol to get everyone in my Criminology class wasted."

Puck shrugged as he struggled to keep all of the bottles in his arms. "I just got you a wide variety. I got your stupid wine for the ladies, I got some Sailor Jerry, Captain, Jager, Hypnotiq for the ladies as well, and your personal favorite Patron."

"Oh my god, Puck, you're going to cause some alcohol poisoning, tonight." Santana said, "did you want to come over by the way? It's only fair to ask my bestest guy friend in the whole wide world."

"I would…however, Lauren needs me. She's going through some female drama and I can't leave her side for too long. But thank you for the offer, San."

"No, thank you, Puck. I'll catch you in criminology!" Santana shouted as she struggled carrying the bottles back to her dorm.

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><p>8 o'clock rolled around and Mike and Tina had showed up. Quinn was pouring wine into a glass for Tina and Mike threw back a shot of Captain. Santana opened the bottle of Patron and started sipping out of it. It was her favorite drink and there was no way in hell she was sharing it with anyone.<p>

Quinn was gossiping with Tina while Mike and Santana were throwing some random dance moves out, each holding their alcohol of choice. The door knocked and Quinn went to get it.

"Britt!" Quinn exclaimed.

"Hey Q…your girlfriend will be over soon." She said as she walked through the door and sat down.

"Hi, I'm Tina." The Asian girl said introducing herself. "The boy dancing with Santana is my boyfriend Mike."

"Brittany, it's my pleasure." Brittany said holding her hand out to shake Tina's.

"Babe, I think the dorm is too small for you and Santana to strut your stuff." Tina yelled at Mike. He groaned and sat next to his girlfriend.

"Do you want a drink?" He slurred towards Brittany.

"Anything. What do you have?"

Santana spoke up, "Captain, Sailor Jerry, White Zinfandel, and Hpnotiq."

Brittany noticed the bottle of tequila clutched in Santana's fists.

"But you're drinking tequila." Brittany observed.

"Yeah, but it's mine!" Santana retaliated.

Quinn shuffled her way over, "You should never come in between Santana and her Patron, it's just a bad idea…"

Santana saw Quinn whispering to Brittany._ 'Ay dios mio.' _She thought.

Rachel finally appeared. "Let's get this show on the road!" She declared a little loudly.

Everyone sat down. "NEVER HAVE I EVER!" Quinn shouted. She raised her glass and started.

"Never have I ever…done cocaine." She said and to her surprise, Tina drank. "Whoa T!"

It was Tina's turn next. "Never have I ever…kissed a girl." Santana watched as Rachel knocked back a shot of Sailor Jerry, Quinn gulped her wine down, Mike chugged his Captain, Brittany raised the bottle of Hpnotiq and took a swig. Hey, everyone's getting drunk, they'll forget, right? Santana sighed and took a shot of tequila.

Rachel, Brittany, Mike, and Tina stared at Santana with wide eyes. "Wait, the bitchiest girl in school has kissed a girl?" Rachel asked.

"Parties, duh." Santana replied, lying a little…okay, maybe a lot. "What about you, Blondie?" She slurred towards Brittany.

"Oh yeah…just parties." Brittany said quietly.

Mike went next, "Never have I ever given birth."

Quinn was the only one who drank. Brittany gave her a quizzical look.

"You've had a kid?" Brittany questioned looking at the really small and skinny blonde.

"Yes…that's how I met Rachel, actually. Her mom adopted my child." Quinn cleared her throat.

It was Brittany's turn next. "Never have I ever dated someone with brown or black hair."

Santana, was the only one who didn't drink. In fact, her ex was the farthest thing from blonde. If you could called Ryan anything, it would have to do with being blonde, or Goldilocks.

"Only a blonde person, Satan?" Rachel asked.

"I've only dated one person, and yes they were blonde."

"What was their name?" Rachel asked, she decided against calling the person a he or she. She wanted to see Santana's answer.

Luckily for Santana, Ryan's name was very unisex.

"Uhm, Ryan. And can we not talk about this anymore?" Santana pleaded.

"Of course, it's your turn anyways."

"Never have I ever had a relationship last longer than a year." Santana said.

Mike and Tina were drinking seeing as they had been together since high school. Quinn dated Puckerman for a good year or so, she was still casually sipping her wine. So that leaves Rachel and Brittany who was attempting to count.

"Britt…what are you doing?"

"Counting the days. My ex broke up with me three days before our anniversary, so I guess I don't drink." Brittany said somberly. Wow, her ex sounded like an asshole.

"Wow, I'm sorry Brit." Santana said trying to see if the blonde girl would smile.

"It's fine…s-, they were just difficult towards the end of the relationship."

"Well, fuck them." Santana said causing Brittany to smile.

It was Rachel's turn and for God sake, she better had something good to say. Rachel seemed to goody-two shoes to even being playing this game.

"Never have I ever purposely hurt myself or tried to kill myself."

The first one to drink was Tina, Quinn followed her. Santana shrugged and took a sip of her Patron. That leaves Brittany. Santana was anxious to see what Brittany would do. She hadn't told Quinn nor Rachel that Brittany had tried to commit suicide while they were away. Brittany took a big chug from the Hpnotiq bottle.

"B, really? You're like the happiest person I know." Rachel cried out.

"Yeah…really." Brittany replied. She then stood up wearily. "I think I should head back to the room." Brittany said slurring her words and swaying side to side. Santana, being drunk as ever…and by being drunk as ever, being as nice as ever…decided to walk Brittany back the room.

"I'll help you, Brittany." Santana exclaimed before hopping up, surprisingly holding her balance. Brittany just nodded and grabbed Santana's arm

"Thanks…I just didn't want to tell them…not yet." Brittany sobbed out in the middle of the hallway.

"It's okay. I don't even know why but I have respect for you and I'm not going to push you into telling me." This caused Brittany to smile.

"Can I ask you something?" Brittany looked at Santana and she simply nodded.

"Who was Ryan? I mean I know they're your ex…but why did you two break up? Was he not nice to you?"

"Ryan was nice to me until the last month we were together. Things changed…got more abusive. Ryan felt the need to yell at me all of the time. Everything was my fault. One day, Ryan hit me, I fought back." Santana started truthfully spilling her story out, after all, she was drunk and Santana was the most honest when she's drunk. She tried her best to keep calling her ex by Ryan and not by 'her' or 'she'. "I walked out of our house and went for a walk. Ryan called me apologizing and said I should just come back so we could work things out. God, I was so stupid for thinking something like that would ever happen. Ryan and I would never work things out. As soon as I got home, Ryan threw me into the wall…so, I bit her."

And that's where Santana Lopez made her fatal mistake. A mistake that Brittany caught…a mistake that caused Brittany to get butterflies in the pit of her stomach.

Santana noticed what she had said and started mentally kicking herself, but she continued on with the story. "So, I grabbed a bottle and left the house. I guess Ryan had called the police and put a warrant out for my arrest. They picked me up a few hours later and I went to jail for two weeks for assault and being drunk in public while underage."

Brittany had tears in her eyes by this point. She knew that Santana was a good person and felt bad that this had happened to her. Not only that, but Brittany didn't understand how someone could hurt a gentle soul like hers. Brittany had never seen the bitchy side of Santana that everyone keeps claiming she has. Brittany only sees the Santana who cares about others more than herself.

Brittany walked over to her dorm door. "Do you want to come inside?" She questioned. Santana nodded. "I think I'm ready to tell you why I tried to kill myself."

* * *

><p><strong>-le gasp- Brittany is finally opening up to Santana? <strong>


	4. Glad You Saved Me

**SORRY THIS CHAPTER TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE. D:**

**I've been busy with work. I'll try to put a new chapter out every week. (like that's going to happen, I'm not punctual at all). KEY WORD: TRY  
><strong>

**Also, check out my shitty short story called "What To Do When You're Dead." I think it sucks. But I want to finish it…**

**Anyways, I promised my friend that Brittana would happen before November 1. She told me she could wait a few chapters. I told her at the rate I was going, it would be November 1 already. So guess what? EARLY PRESENT. Brittana early. :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything from Glee. :( sad day.**

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><p>"I think… I want to tell you why I tried to kill myself." Brittany said softly. Santana knew this was a big topic for her. Brittany was also slightly intoxicated, and hell, Santana was drunk off of her ass.<p>

"Brittany, when you tell me, I don't want it to be because you're intoxicated and you just need to tell someone. I want you to be ready." Santana slurred, and if any sober person would have heard her say that it would have sounded something like **"Brrrrittn—when you tell meee, Idon-wanit to be beeecause youreintoxi-cateded n' youjustnee to tell sommmmmeone. Iwanyoutobe…readdyy." **Yeah, no one gets it either.

But to any drunk ass person, cough Brittany cough, she could understand that clear as day.

"San, I want to. But maybe you should sober up first." Brittany said worrying about the Latina. She was swaying side to side. Brittany grabbed a hold of Santana's arm right as Santana stumbled over her own feet and almost fell down. Brittany helped Santana over to her bed. "All right, look; you, Santana…" Brittany said pointing at the Latina, "will sleep here." She then proceeded to point to her bed that Santana was sitting drunkenly on. "And you will stay here until you sober up."

"Brittn-." Santana started.

"Yes, Santana?" Brittany replied, sighing.

"Thankssss." Santana slurred before falling into a deep slumber. Brittany smiled at the girl before she walked out of her own dorm, turning the lights off. She walked back over to Quinn's dorm and poked her head in the door. Mike, Tina, Quinn, and Rachel were all in deep conversation.

"Quinn, can I talk to you real fast?" Brittany asked softly.

"Of course, Brittany." Quinn said kissing Rachel's cheek before getting up and walking over towards the door. "Where's Santana?"

"She was so wasted that she almost passed out in the middle of my dorm. I let her sleep in my bed. But that's what I wanted to talk to you about…Santana."

"First, we should talk about you. Why did you storm out of the room when we asked you about…well you know, suicide?"

"It's a touchy subject…" Brittany explained, "I didn't want you guys to worry about me."

"Britt, we'll always be worried about you. Rachel said since we got back you haven't been the same…what happened?" Quinn pushed.

"Listen…I wasn't going to tell anyone, okay? But over break, I tried to kill myself and Santana saved me. Can we get back on topic now?" Brittany pleaded.

Quinn looked at Brittany in shock. Santana, The bitchiest girl Quinn ever decided to be friends with, saved someone? How did they even know each other? How did this happen?

"What did you need to know, Brittany?"

"Is Santana gay?" Brittany blurted out real fast.

"Yes…why?" Quinn asked. She made it seem like Rachel never told her, but who was she kidding? Quinn knew Brittany was gay. Quinn also knew Santana liked the other blonde. Quinn was NOT reading through Santana's stuff…okay, maybe she was.

"I just…we've been spending so much time together. I just kind of got the vibe." Brittany said trying to hide her sexuality from Quinn. _'Britt, Quinn is dating a girl, I doubt she'd care if you told her.'_ Her mind yelled at her. "Anyways…it's stupid. Thanks, Q. Can you send Rachel out for me?"

Brittany went to shake her hand but Quinn pulled her in for a hug. "Anytime, B. And yes, I will."

Quinn strutted back into her dorm and Rachel came walking out casually. "Hey B…" Rachel softly said.

"Hey Rach…I need to tell you something. And you're not going to like what you hear, but I hate hiding from things from you. Rachel, I tried to kill myself over the weekend. And Santana, well, she saved me."

"Brittany, why?"

"Marissa threatened a bunch of things. I don't even know why everything I do is damn important to her because she broke up with me for that Ryan Donnelly girl. If there is one thing Marissa Cooper is, it's pure evil."

"Brittany, you CANNOT let your ex girlfriend tear you down." Rachel exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. But you know how hard it was for me to even come out to my parents, I didn't want to be outed in college, too. It would too much to handle."

"B, you seem to forget you don't live in Ohio anymore. This is Colorado. EVERYONE IS GAY FRIENDLY!' Rachel said raising her voice.

"Rachel, please don't be mad…I mean, I know that's hard to say, but please…understand me at least." Brittany pleaded.

"I know, Brittany, I know how hard it can be. I really do. Babe, you'll get through this." Rachel pulled Brittany in for a hug and Brittany sobbed into her best friend's shoulder.

"I think I like Santana." Brittany mumbled into Rachel's shirt.

"You what, hon?" Rachel asked.

Brittany pulled her face up from Rachel's shoulder and wiped her eyes. "Santana, I think I have a crush on her…"

"Brittany, that's great!"

"What if she doesn't like me back?" Brittany questioned.

"Then she's stupid. And the last thing I would ever call Santana is stupid. Just be there for her, like she was there for you when you almost died." Rachel's face fell at her last statement. "Just go back in the dorm and try to get some sleep."

"Where am I supposed to sleep? Santana started falling asleep so I let her sleep in my bed." Brittany frowned.

"Sleep in mine, I'll stay with Quinn." Rachel kissed her best friend's cheek. "I love you, B."

"I love you, too, Rachel." Brittany said showing a small smile before turning around to walk back into the dorm.

Santana had woken back up. She was silently listening to the conversation outside of the dorm. It sounded like Brittany and Rachel had been talking about what happened and talking about her? Wait what? Santana heard the door open and she quickly feigned asleep. Did Brittany really like her? Or was this too good to be true? Santana heard Brittany walk over to her.

"Night, San." Brittany whispered before placing a kiss on her head. This made Santana melt inside.

* * *

><p>Quinn and Rachel had said their goodbyes to Mike and Tina, who drunkenly walked out of their dorm arm in arm. Quinn smiled at Rachel.<p>

"So, I found out that Santana likes Brittany. Which is good, her last girlfriend was a bitch!" Quinn said.

"How did you find that out? Santana won't even admit to kissing a girl for real."

"I was kind of reading through her stuff…" Quinn said holding up on of Santana's notebooks. "She hides random thoughts throughout her anatomy notes." Quinn grabbed a yellow notebook off of Santana's desk and flipped through the pages. Scribbled on the top of the page was a note; _"So, I think I like this girl Brittany. She's no Ryan Donnelly, let me tell you that. She's tall, blonde, and beautiful. However, I don't even know her sexual orientation."_Quinn read the note aloud to Rachel.

"So all we have to do is let them know they like each other." Rachel spurted out.

"Exactly. They are so good for each other." Quinn replied.

"Ryan Donnelly is Santana's ex?"

"Yes…"

"Is she dating Marissa Cooper by any chance?"

"To my knowledge, yes…"

"That's Brittany's ex girlfriend." Rachel looked off in the other direction.

"This is one small fucking world."

* * *

><p>The morning after was a bitch. Santana woke up with a horrible hangover. She heard an alarm blaring, but it wasn't just any typical alarm. It was blasting a loud ass song. Santana knew she wasn't in her room, but whose room was she in? She was so wasted that she couldn't even remember falling asleep. She looked around the room, definitely not her dorm, not her bed, not her roommate. Santana saw a familiar head of blonde hair sleeping on the bed across the room. She was in Brittany's dorm room. Santana, a little freaked out, frantically searched for the alarm to turn it off. When she succeeded, she walked over to Brittany and shook the girl awake.<p>

"Britt, wake up." Santana whispered loudly. Brittany stirred in her sleep.

"Five more minutes, Rachel." She mumbled from Rachel's pillow.

"You're in Rachel's bed, Britt. It's Santana." Santana softly shook the blonde until she shot awake.

"OH MY GOD." Brittany exclaimed. "You scared me. What time is it?"

"7:20. I got to get going, I have Anatomy in like fifteen minutes!" Santana exclaimed running towards the door. "I'll see you later?"

Brittany nodded.

"Just get my number from Quinn." She said without thinking before running out of the dorm to hers. She grabbed her notebook and ran out the door, not even caring that she was in the same clothes from the night before.

Brittany groaned and rolled over in the bed. She didn't want to go to class at all, but at least she had a couple of hours before her class started. Brittany walked into her bathroom and turned on the shower.

"The best cure after a night of drinking," she said to herself before stripping off all of her clothes and stepping in.

After her much needed shower, Brittany stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel. She wondered if she should really get Santana's number like Santana had mentioned before leaving the room.

She quickly got changed and hurried over the Quinn's dorm. Knocking lightly on the door, she waited for a reply. Quinn popped her head out of the door with the messiest sex hair that Brittany had ever seen.

"Hey Q…can I get Santana's number? She told me to get it from you this morning." Brittany said, blunt as a motherfucker.

"Sure B. Uhm, one second." Quinn said walking back into the dorm, shutting the door behind her. She came back out with her phone and a long t-shirt on. Brittany didn't even want to know. Quinn gave Brittany Santana's number and Brittany thanked her.

She walked back to her own dorm, putting Santana's number into her phone. She decided to shoot the Latina a text.

**I never told you why last night because you insisted I waited. So how about after class? I get out at 2pm. – B**

Brittany slid her phone into her pocket and waited around for a reply or for class time to roll around; whichever happened first.

* * *

><p>Santana was half awake in her anatomy class. The teacher was going on about the torso muscles in a human being similar to those of a cats'.<p>

"So, who can tell me the two obliques found in the abdomen?" The teacher droned on. Santana felt her phone vibrate. An unknown number had texted her and Santana's smile brightened.

It was Brittany and she was asking Santana to talk to her. Santana got a little excited and squealed.

"Santana Lopez. Would you care to tell me?" The teacher questioned.

"The external and internal obliques." Santana replied as if nothing had gone on.

"Good job, I suggest you still continue to pay attention." Santana shrugged off her professor and replied to the blonde that captured her attention.

**Of course, I get out at noon so I'll just meet you in my dorm. – S**

* * *

><p>The rest of the day dragged on and Brittany found herself excited to see Santana. She wasn't too excited about telling her why she tried to kill herself, for the memory, though it was not too long along, sent shivers up her spine and put her in a bad place. Somehow, Santana seemed to make that go away, Brittany knew it was right to tell her.<p>

Her phone vibrated and Brittany eagerly pulled it out of her pocket.

**Just so you know, Santana likes you. But don't tell her I told you. I WAS NOT READING THROUGH HER STUFF. – Q**

Brittany did one of two things at this time; she ran around and danced in circles, and she laughed really hard at the last part of Quinn's text. Of course, Quinn was trying to set her up.

Brittany started walking up the stairs towards the Latina's dorm. As she approached, she took a deep breath. _'Everything will be okay.' _She told herself before knocking on the door.

The door opened and there stood a gorgeous Santana, obviously she had cleaned up since the morning.

"Hey." Brittany said, trying not to show her breathing hitched a bit.

"Hi..' Santana replied. "Uh…come in." Brittany stepped into the dorm.

"So about last night, I was going to tell you something, but you insisted I waited until I was sober…so here I am."

Santana patted the futon and motioned for Brittany to come sit down. Brittany did so, sitting surprisingly close to Santana.

"Okay, spill." Santana said.

"The reason I tried to kill myself is because I broke up with my girlfriend…and she threatened to tell everyone I was gay. And it never occurred to me that I don't live in Ohio anymore and I thought it would be a big deal…" Brittany started, "I didn't think about it at all, but being gay in Lima was just the biggest curse you could get. I figured everywhere I would go was the same…so I decided that maybe not being here was the best thing to do…"

Santana's heart just broke, and that only happened once; when she went to jail. "Britt…"

"Let me finish. Anyways, Marissa left me for someone else and then said that she was going to out me to everyone. I just couldn't stand the thought of being different…"

"Marissa who?" Santana said, realizing that her girlfriend had left her for a Marissa.

"Cooper."

"That mother fucking bitch!" Santana exclaimed. "First, she steals my girlfriend and then she breaks your heart?"

"Wait, your ex Ryan was really Ryan Donnelly?" Brittany said.

"Yes…" Santana replied.

Brittany was in shock. Santana's girlfriend left her for Brittany's girlfriend who left her for Santana's girlfriend who left Santana for Brittany's girlfriend. WHAT THE FUCK.

"Well this is…"

"Awkward." Santana finished. "Britt…I"

Santana was cut off by a certain blonde's lips pressing against her. Everything just went blank for a moment. This was real life, right? Brittany was kissing Santana, right?

Brittany pulled away for a moment. "I've wanted to do that from the moment I got back from the hospital. And then when we were watching Imagine Me And You, I couldn't help but think that you were good for me." _'Cheesy, Britt, nice one.'_

Santana smiled. "Well then, I guess that means it's safe to say that from the moment I laid my eyes on you, I've thought you were the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life."

"I'm glad you saved me." Brittany smiled and hugged the Latina.

"Me too." Santana replied kissing Brittany on the cheek.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT CHAPTER WAS LONG. And that was only because I wanted Brittana to happen because I know it'll be awhile before I write another chapter. So Merry Halloweenmas. Yeah, I went there.**

**I almost put that Imagine Me And You quote on here again, but I figured I'd just leave it plain and simple. Brittana is finally happening. :) **

**REVIEW? Yeah? YES. :D please?**

**Also, I tried to do the whole MALEX thing fro the OC until I forgot that I already named Santana's ex in the other story...and I didn't feel like changing it to Alex...so if everyone could pretend Ryan = Alex Kelly then we're all good ;]  
><strong>


	5. Caught

**I'm so sorry. It's been… WAY TOO LONG**

**Why did I start this with an apology? Because I told you I wasn't punctual and I wasn't kidding. It's been like…4 months?**

**Also, my friend asked me why I wrote a story about suicide because it's super depressing. Well, one of my friends committed suicide and died in my arms when I was 16. I'm almost 20 now, so yeah, it was four years ago, but it still hits super close to home. I liked the idea of something needing help to be saved by someone who was still struggling with their own life.**

**Copyright Stuff: Glee = too hot to be mine. I wish it were though. The things I would do….**

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm glad you saved me," Brittany smiled and she hugged the Latina.<em>

"Me too," Santana replied kissing Brittany on the cheek

Santana tried to hide the fact that she was extremely happy about the blonde kissing her. She was sporting a gigantic, goofy smile and her cheeks were as red as a bell pepper.

Brittany had caught onto this and shyly glanced at Santana from time to time. The two had decided to watch another movie just to keep their minds off of what just happened. Brittany had no idea what they were now. She liked the Latina a lot, but it was just a kiss. The blonde had kissed a lot of people without it having any other meaning to it. Brittany knew she had put meaning into the kiss, but the question still stayed: did Santana feel that?

Santana wanted so badly just to cup the blonde's face and kiss her passionately, but something stopped her. _'Maybe she just did that because she's lonely…'_ Santana thought. _'I mean…'_ Santana was only thinking the worst possible thing. The heat radiating between the two was making Santana shiver. She had just kissed a breathtaking blonde and she had no idea what to make of it.

Brittany, feeling slightly cold, decided to go get a hoodie from her dorm. As she was getting up she glanced at the Latina. "I'll be right back. You dorm room is freezing."

"Did you want a jacket?" Santana asked politely. Brittany's heart started racing at lightening speeds. The thought of wearing Santana's jacket would probably make the blonde faint from happiness.

"Yes, please." Brittany quietly said, almost so quiet Santana didn't hear her, but the head nod was enough for Santana. She got up and grabbed a LIGHTS hoodie, handing it to the blonde. Brittany thought this was too good to be true. Not only was the girl she liked gay; she liked Imagine Me And You and LIGHTS. This girl was perfect. "I absolutely love LIGHTS." Brittany squealed.

'_Did she just say she liked LIGHTS?'_ Santana got overly excited about this new fact. "Me too! I got that at her show a few weeks back. It's extremely warm for a jacket." Santana watched as Brittany put the jacket on and snuggled into it. _'She just got 10 times cuter.'_

Santana smiled widely as the two continued watching the movie.

"I don't know how you like movies like this! They're so gross!" Brittany said referring to The Collector.

"I don't know, I guess since I'm in criminology and pathology is what I want to do, blood doesn't really bother me." Santana said.

Brittany squealed as she put her hands over her eyes. "San!"

Santana smirked, "Yes, Brittany?"

"Can we watch something else?" Brittany was still hiding her eyes behind Santana's jacket. Another gruesome part of the movie played right as Brittany looked up. She grabbed onto Santana's arm, screaming. "Please!"

Santana just gave a simple nod, focusing too much on the blonde's hand touching her arm. "What do you want to watch?"

Santana and Brittany ended up watching DEBS. Brittany was drooling over 'Lucy Diamond'.

"Lucy Diamond is so hot." Brittany blurted out. Santana chuckled.

"I'd have to disagree. I think Amy's hot."

"You're biased because you've only dated blondes." Brittany's smile grew.

_**"A blonde,"**_Santana corrected, "I've dated one person and they were blonde. That is not being biased. Besides, I cannot help that blondes are attractive." Santana felt Brittany's eyes on her, now, instead of the TV.

"Oh, so you're saying we're all hot?" Brittany scooted closer to Santana before leaning in.

"Y-yes." Santana stuttered as Brittany closed the gap between the two. Their lips pressed together and Santana felt a rush of ecstasy run through her body. Brittany pulled away and smirked.

"Well, if I'm so hot, Santana, then why haven't you asked me out?" Brittany asked seductively, yet jokingly.

"I uh…you…I…uhm." Santana swallowed the lump in her throat and continued trying to talk. "You see…uh…gah…"

"I was kidding, silly." Brittany burst out laughing. "You should have seen your face."

Santana's face was flushed. Brittany just practically joked about asking her out.

"Unless… you want to ask me out." Brittany said bluntly.

Santana swallowed the lump that was in her throat. "I…uh… erm… yeah."

"So you DO want to ask me out, eh?" Brittany flashed a million dollar smile towards Santana. Santana swallowed hard and nodded. "You got to form words, Santana…"

"I erm… will you possibly go out… on a date… with me?" Santana spit out real fast and hesitantly .

"Yes, Santana. I would love that."

"I uhm… good!"

Brittany just chuckled at how nervous the Latina was. _"She's so god damn cute when she's nervous."_ Brittany grabbed the Latina's hand in her own as they continued to watch DEBS, screaming at the TV every so often. Brittany scooted closer to Santana, removing her hand from Santana's and wrapping it around her arm, pulling Santana closer. A blush crept across Santana's face as the two continued to cuddle on the futon. Santana looked up at the girl whose arms she was wrapped up in. Every time Santana looked at Brittany's neck, she got goosebumps. The bruise was a deep purple, it looked like someone beat her. Santana reached her fingertips up to trace the outline of the mark on the girl's neck.

Santana sighed. The mark was all too familiar to her. Brittany wasn't the only one with scars or marks they weren't proud of. Santana had many.

Brittany shuddered under Santana's touch. Santana caught on.

"Sorry…" Santana drew her hand back to her own side. "I just…" Her breath was hot on Brittany's upper arm.

"It's okay, Santana. C'est la vie, right? We've all done things and we've all made mistakes." Brittany turned to look at Santana.

"Right… which means I feel like I should tell you something before we get more… involved." Santana mentally slapped herself for saying the last part. She was almost certain Brittany was offended. "Before we even go on the date, I feel like we should get to know each other a little better. So, I guess I'll start."

"San, are you sure? That's usually what the first date is for." Brittany argued.

"I know, but I want to be able to spare you the trouble of the first date if my past is a little…" Santana paused and drew in a deep breath, "fucked up. I know about the feelings you hid from Rachel. But you don't know about the feelings I used to have that I tried to hide from Quinn. Back before I entered college, I was a horrible person. I was involved in drugs and I hurt myself and other people. When Ryan broke up with me after 2 years for Marissa, I kind of snapped. I put myself into a drug-induced coma caused by an overdose. I was broken. I was messed up. If you want to know the real reason I saved you when I found you, it's because I know how it feels to want to kill yourself. I know what it's like to be so close and then to still be alive. It made me grateful for the things I had and the person I was, even if I was scared. Back when high school had just ended and after my coma, I tried to kill myself. It was a miracle I survived because no one tried to save me. I had no saviour. Quinn was out of town, kind of like how Rachel was out of town when you tried to kill yourself. I was alone. I was stupid and I tried to end everything. That mark around your neck, it's something you're not proud of. You're lucky that yours will go away. My scars are forever, they'll haunt me for the rest of my life." Santana sighed, tears forming in her eyes, "I was just as broken as you are. The only difference is, someone was there to catch you when you fell. Brittany, I want to be that person who helps you push off in the morning, I want to be that person who will just be there. I don't want you to end up like I did. I can't promise you that I'm the best at being there because the thought of liking you is scaring the living shit out of me. But I want to try. Please, don't end up like me; broken and alone and full of regret."

Santana was sobbing. She hadn't meant to just spill her entire life story out to a girl she's known for a week, but something about Brittany screamed _different_to her. The two had a connection that not many other people could have. They were two completely broken people with problems; but they were going to help each other.

Brittany held Santana in her arms as the Latina cried. "Shh, San, it's okay. Babe, it's okay." Brittany whispered in her ear, "You've done more than enough for me in the past week. I don't care about your past. It's who you were, not who you are. We're both on the same boat, Santana. This is just something I've got to get used to. I thought I'd be dead by now, but I'm alive and I'm sitting face to face with my hero. I should properly thank her, by the way."

Brittany leaned down, scooping Santana's chin up with her fingers before connecting their lips. Brittany quickly pulled away thinking that she was moving too fast for the Latina who had just spilled her guts in front of her. Instead, Santana just pulled her hoodie that the blonde was wearing and pulled her in for another kiss. Santana pressed her lips against Brittany's. The kiss was slow, but passionate. Santana parted her lips as she felt Brittany's tongue gently slide across her lower lip, allowing her access. As their tongues danced around, Brittany pulled Santana on top of her. Brittany smiled into the kiss as things got heated. Santana's hands rested on Brittany's hips while Brittany's played with the hem of her sweatshirt. They were so lost in the moment that they didn't even hear the door of Santana's dorm open and close, softly. Quinn walked further into the bedroom to see why it was so silent to find the two girls wrapped up in each other, literally. She coughed loudly before the girls pulled apart, frazzled and embarrassed.

"_I hope it was worth it."_Quinn heard Dominique say on the TV.

"Wow, perfect timing. Lucy and Amy just caught and so did you."

Brittany blushed. "I should get going. I'll see you soon, Santana." Brittany gently squeezed out from under the Latina before clutching the hoodie to her chest and quickly walking away, embarrassed.

"San… what was that?"

"We just… I just… she knows about… coma and was trying to cheer me up." Santana stuttered.

"Yeah, look at you. All giddy and shit. It's disgustingly cute. Anyways, I can see that you like her and since I'm dating her best friend, I approve. She better not be another Ryan Donnelly or I will fucking cu-."

"Q, it's fine. I don't think she's that kind of person. I told her about my past… it's been like a week and we both know each others' deep, dark secrets. I like her so much, it scares me."

Quinn nods before setting her backpack down and sitting on the bed.

"Why aren't you with Rachel? It's like 2pm, Q." Santana wondered.

"Oh, she's coming over whenever she's out of class." Quinn smiled.

"In that case, I'm going to go for a run." Santana said, excusing herself. She grabbed her iPod off of her desk and clipped it to her sweatshirt. She shed her jeans off and threw on a pair of track shorts before removing the iPod from her sweatshirt and clipping it onto the side of her shorts. She took off her sweatshirt, revealing her scars. Quinn looked up at the Latina's arms and abdomen. She hated seeing the scars on Santana, which was why she loved the fall/winter because Santana always wore sweatshirts to cover them up. Santana looked down at the scars and back up before throwing a tank top on to hide the visible scars leading from her ribs to her side. She grabbed two wrist bands, covering the rest of her scars for her best friend's sake before running out the door.

* * *

><p>She had no idea where she was going, no idea where to go. She just kept running and running. The campus was pretty in the fall, the colors clashing perfectly. Santana smiled as she ran past the school and into a neighborhood. She had one thing on her mind while she ran. Blue eyes filled her mind and blonde hair made her smile. A few miles down the road, Santana stopped to catch her breath. She picked up running again and rounded a corner when she was brought to an abrupt stop and a quick fall the ground. She had bumped into someone.<p>

"Shit, I'm so sorry!" Santana exclaimed when she looked up to see who she ran into.

"Santana...?"

* * *

><p><strong>BUM BUM BUM. I am leaving you with a cliffhanger. I wrote all of this tonight, so I am sorry if there are spellinggrammar errors. I am also sorry it's been since like October since I've written anything.**

**Also, review. they make me happy. :) Please?**

**I want feedback. who do you think she ran into? **


	6. Bigger Scars Make Better Stories

**Can I be honest? No idea where this story is headed. I want to focus more on This Is Where We Collide. This story may be on hiatus. GO read This Is Where We Collide. It's the better version of my fantasies of Brittana.**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>"Shit, I'm so sorry!" Santana exclaimed when she looked up to see who she ran into.<em>

_"Santana...?"_

"Ryan…" Santana breathed out as she stared at the blonde in front of her. Ryan hadn't changed. "You have got to be kidding me." Santana muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Ryan asked innocently, smiling.

"Nothing at all." Santana glared at her ex girlfriend.

"So, how's life, Santana? You look stable." It was almost as if Ryan was mocking her for trying to kill herself over someone as petty as Ryan fucking Donnelly.

"Life is fucking wonderful." Santana said, not even a hint or sarcasm in her tone. In light of recent events, life was wonderful. Santana found a girl who understands her. That's all Santana ever wanted in her life. It wasn't to be loved, just to be understood.

"That's good," Ryan was irritated. Her methods to tear Santana down were not working as well as she had hoped. "Seeing anyone?"

And as if the Gods had answers her prayers, Santana feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist from behind. "Yeah, she is. Sorry, I couldn't keep with you, you little athlete." A familiar voice rang out into Santana's ears and a smile crept upon her face. "Babe, aren't you going to introduce me?" Santana turned around to Brittany's smile and blushed.

"Yeah, Brits… this is Ryan. Ryan, this is my girlfriend, Brittany." Santana said confidently. She only hoped this would work to get Ryan away from her. Santana grabbed Brittany's hand that was around her waste and laced her fingers with the blonde's.

_'Thank God Brittany showed up. But how in the world did she know where I was?'_ Santana thought as the blonde played with her fingers. Ryan had yet to say anything, she just stared.

"Pleasure." She finally said. "Well, Sanny, I have to go. It was nice running into you, if you know what I mean." Ryan winked before walking off down the street. Santana cringed at the sound of Ryan calling her Sanny.

"That was so horribly horrible." Santana said, not realizing she used the same adjective to describe her word.

"So that's the infamous Ryan?" Brittany questioned, eyes staring deeply into Santana's.

"Yeah… in all of her bitchy glory. How did you even know where I was?" Santana blinked a few times before she saw a blush creep up on Brittany's cheeks.

"Well… I was in my dorm and I totally forgot that I was wearing your hoodie. I didn't exactly want to steal it from you, so I stopped by your dorm to give it back because you weren't answering your phone. You weren't there, Quinn said you went for a run and gave me your most commonly used route. I saw Ryan as I came up by the corner and just kind of heard what she said and played it off. I hope I didn't ruin anything." Brittany bit her lower lip before looking away for a second.

"No, Brit. You saved things. I didn't know how I was going to reply to Ryan, so you did more than help." Santana turned her iPod off and took her headphone out. Brittany showed a toothy smile before hugging the Latina in her arms. Santana, feeling brave, lifted herself up on her toes and kissed Brittany. It was short, but sweet. After pulling away, Santana had a huge grin plastered on her face. "Do you know what time it is?" Santana asked remembering that she didn't have her phone.

"It's like 3pm. It seems a lot later since so much has happened." Brittany mused as she looked at all of the trees losing their leaves.

"Well, let's head back. We can go on that date, tonight, if that's okay with you." Santana stammered a bit but it only made a giant smile appear on the blonde's face.

"I would love that." Brittany replied grabbing Santana's hand before turning around to walk back to the dorm room.

The walk was comfortable and silent. The two had held hands the entire way there. As they approached Santana's dorm, Santana stopped her.

"As much as I would love to go on a date like right now, I'm kind of sweaty and disgusting. I'll pick you up in about 45 minutes?" Santana questioned.

"Of course." Brittany leaned forward and pecked the shorter girl's lips. "I was going to change anyways. It'll probably get chilly tonight." Brittany fake shivered and rubbed her hands up and down her arms.

Santana smiled before nodding and walking into the dorm, screaming, "Berry, Fabray if you guys are indecent I will seriously kill both of you!" Santana covered her eyes and slowly made her way into the dormitory. Looking to her right she saw a note.

**San,**  
><strong>In Rach's room. Try to tell Brittany that we are there.<strong>

**Q**

"SHIT." Santana called out. "Brittany!" Santana ran out of her room and next door to already hear the door shut and a girly scream from inside. Bravely, she opened the door, running into grab Brittany when she saw just as much as Brittany did. "Too late…" Santana smiled before pulling Brittany away, leaving Quinn and Rachel extremely embarrassed and naked in bed.

"IT CAN'T BE UNSEEN, SANTANA!" Brittany whined as Santana dragged her back to her dorm.

"I know. I can't believe it. Now I'm going to see Quinn naked whenever she's here. I am scarred. I guess she thought you were coming back with me because she definitely left a note…sorry I didn't get to you sooner."

There was a small knock on the door before Quinn walked in fully clothed and head down. "Can I talk to San for a minute, B?" Quinn muttered before Brittany snickered and turned to leave the room. "So…"

"Quinn, leaving a note and assuming Brittany is coming back to the dorm wasn't the best idea. You have a cell phone. You could have texted her that! I'm sure she'd understand, but now I've seen you and your talkative hobbit naked and getting it on."

"I know! I know! I wasn't thinking… it's just she went to go look for you, so I assumed…" Quinn started. "Anyways, I was actually wanting to talk to you, and Rachel was going to talk to B, but we were thinking of switching rooms, since you and B are like dating."

"Q… we're going on a date. We're not even dating. I just asked her out on a date." Santana replied as she looked through her closet for a shirt.

"It would mean you wouldn't have to see Rachel and I doing anything…" Quinn argued.

"Maybe you should keep it in your pants, Fabray!"

* * *

><p>Brittany had just listened to Rachel rant on about how much she thinks that Quinn and she should switch rooms. Brittany greatly considered it, but she wasn't dating Santana and that's where it would be awkward. Having to share a room with the girl you like, the girl who saved your life, the girl who's tried to take her own life before. It was all too much for her to take in at once.<p>

"Rach, just give me like…a few days, okay? Until then, please let us know which room you guys are in."

"Fine. But I have to go talk to Santana. One of you is bound to say yes. I can feel it!" She said before storming out of their dorm. Brittany just stood in the middle of the dorm, thinking of what to make of this situation.

_I mean, it'd be good so we NEVER have to see them having sex again, but they're under the impression that we're dating and we're not.._. Brittany thought to herself as the door opened and Quinn walked into the room.

"Quinn, I need to talk to you…" Brittany mumbled softly.

"What's up, B?"

"I was wondering if there is anything I should know about Santana before I go out with her… I mean she told me a lot but I didn't know if there was anything I should NOT do…" Brittany rubbed the back of her neck, feeling awkward about the conversation.

"What did she tell you? That way I can kind of get an idea of what to say…" Quinn raised an eyebrow, waiting for the other blonde to speak.

"I know she's tried to kill herself. She told me that I was lucky because my marks would go away and hers were forever. She kind of just opened up to me about her last year in high school and everything leading up to now. Stuff with Ryan… I don't know. It's a lot for me to take in, but we're so alike and I like her a lot. I guess I don't want to do anything wrong." Brittany sighed after sharing everything she knew about Santana with Quinn.

"Just… you know a lot about her already. I'll give you one hint of advice, okay? Try not to touch the left side of her head, right above her ear." Quinn gritted her teeth, looking to the side, not sure if she should have said anything.

"Why?" Brittany really wanted to know what was so wrong about the side of Santana's head.

"That's something she'll have to let you know, B. It's wrong of me to share that much about her."

Santana sat on the futon as Rachel babbled on and on about the fact that they should seriously reconsider switching rooms. The shorter brunette went on to say that she felt as though the Latina was a really good influence for her tall, blonde friend and that she would more than grateful if Santana stay there for her.

"No mean to be rude, Rachel…" Santana said. Wow, I used her first name. I'm going soft. "But I do kind of have a date with Brittany that I'd like to get to…" Santana got up from the futon.

"Fine, but please think about our proposal." Rachel said heading towards the door. Santana sighed before tucking a piece of hair behind her left ear. Her fingers accidently grazed over her scar and she shuddered.

She grabbed her clothes and entered the bathroom. She shed off her running clothes before turning the water on. She turned to look at herself in the bathroom mirror. All of those scars she wasn't proud of stuck out like a sore thumb. The ones that trailed down her sides and abdomen, the ones that circled her wrist, the one on the side of her head; they were all constant reminders of how much she used to hate herself and how much she craved pain just to make sure she still felt something. Once the steam started filling the bathroom, Santana got into the shower. _If bigger scars make better stories, then you should see the scars on me._

Fifteen minutes later, Santana stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her body. She had about 20 minutes left before she said she would get Brittany from her dorm and she was in full speed mode.

Within 17 minutes, Santana was ready to go. She was dressed in a simple red plaid shirt and black skinny jeans. Her hair was wavy and the majority of it was parted towards the left side and whatever was on the right side, the moved to the left. With the finishing touches to her hair, she was out the door and standing in front of Brittany's.

She knocked three times before standing back and fixing her shirt, patting out any noticeable wrinkles. The door opened and Santana was face to face with Brittany. Her mouth slightly opened as she took in the image of the blonde in front of her. Brittany was a purple v-neck t-shirt and blue skinny jeans with Santana's hoodie loosely hanging off of her shoulders.

"Wow." Santana breathed out before smiling at her date.

"I can say the same to you, Lopez." Brittany winked before grabbing Santana's pinky and closing her dorm door.

Santana and Brittany ended up at a paintball field. How? They don't really know. Why? They don't really know. The two geared up and put their masks on.

"First one down has to do whatever the winner wants." Santana said before winking at Brittany.

The game went on for about an hour before Santana had claimed victorious. She walked over to Brittany whose arms were crossed and there was a pout on her face.

"Aww…it's okay, Brittany. I think you'll like what I have in mind." Santana confidently said.

They ended up back in Santana's dorm room on the same futon where they first kissed…and they were kissing now, a lot. That was Santana's idea of a triumphant win. The winner gets to watch movies and cuddle with the loser. However, the movie was the last thing on both of their minds.

Brittany's hands were running through Santana's hair, down her neck, past her collar bones, and along her sides. Santana's hands were resting on Brittany's hips as the two continued to kiss hungrily. Brittany moved her hands back up to Santana's left cheek, slowing moving towards the side of her head. Her fingertips grazed over her left ear and Santana froze, her lips stopped moving and she slowly pulled away from Brittany.

_'FUCK. I touched the left side of her head, didn't I?'_ Brittany was mentally beating herself up as Santana stared blankly at her. Brittany didn't know if she should apologize or not because she wasn't too sure if Santana would be happy that Quinn told her notto touch her left side, so she played it off.

"San…are you okay?" Brittany wondered.

"I'm… It's just… I'm sensitive, there." Santana said. "That and my sides, but since I'm wearing a shirt, that wasn't a problem…"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No… it wasn't your fault. People touch other people's heads all the time. It just caught me off guard… I'm sorry, B." Santana shifted in the futon.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brittany didn't know why she was trying to pry so much. Santana had scars, she knew that, but she didn't think the Latina would just up and share everything about them. She was only hoping she would.

"Well…" Santana started. "You remember me telling you that I tried to kill myself, right?" Brittany nodded. "It was more than once… the first time… I slit my wrists and then tried my sides. I don't know why, but I felt like under the rib cage would have been perfect… the one on my head… that's a different story." Santana paused, not knowing how to share what she was about to share.

"It's okay, Santana…tell me when you're ready." Brittany reasoned.

"I want to…" Santana looked left and right before speaking up again, "I got this…gun. And I thought, 'You know, this is it. This is really the end.' But I couldn't get myself to pull the trigger. I was being a coward. I still had the gun pointed at me and I decided I was going to do it. After I pulled the trigger, I made that last minute gut decision and moved the gun, the bullet grazed the side of my head. I lost a lot of blood and I had to get stitches. It took a long time for the wound to heal and it left this scar." She lifted up her hair to reveal a scar that was four inches long that went along the side of her head. Brittany gasped, putting her hands over her mouth. Santana sighed before she felt Brittany embrace her in a hug.

"I'm not going to let anything hurt you, anymore." Brittany whispered in Santana's ear, "I promise."


End file.
